


you cannot keep the dark away forever

by sugarshakes



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But like a little bit of plot, Dominant Kylo Ren, F/M, I can't help it, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post TLJ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 06:19:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13607379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarshakes/pseuds/sugarshakes
Summary: Ben Solo has left the First Order behind. Ben Solo has not left Kylo Ren behind.Rey tries to help him control the darkness that will always be part of him.This was going to be 50% fluff and 50% smut but I can’t let anyone have nice things so this got darker than I intended.





	you cannot keep the dark away forever

**Author's Note:**

> I’m going to get pretty much everything factually wrong because I am very very new to the Star Wars fandom and probably have no business writing fic for it BUT this has been eating away at my brain so we’re going to try this okay? Ok.

Rey has decided that she really hates sand. Obviously she has always had complicated feelings about the stuff, since it was somehow both home and cage to her. 

(She always assumed that someday she would forget Jakku. Her life has taken her so far from who she was on that desert planet… and everyone she had known there was dead. But she didn’t like to think about that.) 

Right now, though, in this particular moment, she loathes it. This new, determined hatred stems from the piles of the stuff she is finding all throughout her home. Her nice little home that is not an AT-AT, nor on a desert planet and therefore has no business being full of sand. And fine, she doesn’t hate _sand_ per se… she hates sweeping. Also she hates that big, stupid man for bringing it all back from Altor 14 with him.

She goes to fetch a broom and finds another pile of sand in the kitchen.

_If I find one more pile of sand I am going to kill Ben Solo dead I swear to--_

Her murder fantasies are cut short by a warning in the back of her mind. Someone is behind her. She swings around, armed with her broom and swings it… directly into the waiting hand of one Ben Solo.

“Oh! Ben, don’t come up behind me with your shield up like that! I almost decapitated you.”

“First, you definitely could not have decapitated me with a _broomstick_. Second, it’s no fun sneaking up on you if you can feel me coming,” He pulls the broom from her hands and lets it fall to the floor. He holds her flushed cheeks in his soft hands (soft now, no longer hardened by callouses). “Third, I’m sorry about all the sand." 

She huffs in response, but then he kisses her softly and she wants to be mad so badly but even after all this time when he touches her she kind of loses her train of thought, and…

“Stop that!” She whacks him (softly) on the ear.

“I can’t try and ease your stress?”

“Not like that you can’t”

The war is over and their lives are simple(ish), but the Force still hums around them both. Sometimes they use it when Leia sends them on diplomatic errands, sometimes they use it to get a better price on parts. Currently, Ben is trying to use it to make sure he doesn’t have to sleep on the couch tonight.

He just laughs and kisses her again, squeezing her ass roughly as he walks away.

 

* * *

 It’s not playful kisses and piles of sand everyday. Some days are hard.

At first Ben found it easy switching sides. Almost as if he had always been waiting for it to happen, in a way. It was easy choosing Rey. It was downright delightful force-choking the life out of Hux after a particularly vulgar comment about _that jedi whore_. The look on her face when he reached out through the bond and told her that he was wrong and he chose her and he had left the First Order… he never questioned whether he had made the correct choice.

And yet there was still a darkness within him. Rey said she understood, that she had always felt the pull, too. She said that they would balance each other, as they always had. Ben wasn’t so sure.

Kylo Ren would always be a part of him, as Ben Solo had always been a part of Kylo.

Most days he stayed quiet, buried deep within, but he would scratch at his cage, claw at the walls, until he eventually burst forth.

The first slipup was early on, before the war was over. Ben saw Poe and Rey walking through a Resistance base. A sharp stab of jealousy as Poe carelessly put his arm around Rey’s shoulders and made her laugh so easily. Ben couldn’t hold Kylo back as he Forced his way into her mind and growled _he shouldn’t get to touch you_. She tensed and Poe removed his arm, asked if she was alright. She made an excuse and asked him to apologize to Leia, said that she would be along shortly. By then she was used to hearing Ben in her mind (as he was used to her in his) but she had not heard that voice since the Supremacy. It was Kylo Ren’s voice. She had looked at him with worried eyes, took his hand tentatively and quietly they walked that way, hand in hand, her fingers squeezing his, all the way to the strategy meeting. By the time he took his seat Kylo was back in his cage, pacing.

The longer he kept him bound and caged, the worse the outbursts became. He was in a tavern on some dreadful planet and heard someone utter the name Han Solo. A surge of black rage slithered up his spine and exploded out. He had made it appear as if it were a tragic accident, an explosion due to poor ventilation. By the time he returned to Rey, Kylo was placated and quiet. She didn’t say anything, but she felt the darkness in him that night as she rested her hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat under her hand while he slept.

Rey didn’t fully understand until the night that Ben’s -- no, no it was Kylo’s -- eyes went wild as he swore to kill Unkar Plutt. They were apart, her with Finn on Resistance business, and Kylo back at the base. They were together that night through the bond and she had had to try very hard to keep quiet as he brought her to orgasm with his fingers, keenly aware that Finn was nearby. After, she told him what she thought was a funny story about her scavenging days and the next thing she knew he had severed the bond. She didn’t have to visit Jakku to know what Kylo had done. He offered it to her, opening his mind, showing her his darkness and _regret_.

“I’m sorry, I failed you. I made you promises that I now know I cannot keep,” he cries into her hands, holding them tightly within his. He is on his knees before her, and she bends, kneeling too. Equal.

“Shhh, Ben. I know that the light in you is strong, but it is I who failed you. I should know better than anyone that you cannot keep the dark away forever.”

\-----

It takes trial and error, a lot of trials and a lot of errors, before they find a way to placate Ben’s darkness.

They train together for hours a day, going to bed sore and exhausted. After a month of this she feels around in his mind as he sleeps (not in a creepy invasive way -- they have clear boundaries about that, now -- but just in a general feeling way) and finds the darkness easily. 

He tries hacking various things to pieces with his saber. He enjoys this, but it does little to solve the problem at hand. Rey is horrified as he destroys “junk” that would have kept her fed for weeks on Jakku. 

They try and try to tire the darkness, yet it remains. 

Until the night of Poe’s birthday.

Ben is on edge the whole day, a myriad of negative emotions radiating off of him. Rey assures him it won’t be that bad, “a couple hours, that’s it. Please, Ben.”

“Fine, but I’m not talking to him,” he grumbles as the shuttle lands. “Why couldn’t he have picked a warmer damn planet for this idiotic affair.”

She rolls her eyes, “go get ready, we’re already late.”

_Getting ready_ doesn’t entail much for either of them. Rey straightens her buns, adjusts and smooths out her simple dress. She doesn’t wear it often (not practical), but Leia had it made for her and she wants to keep Leia happy, so.

Ben comes out of the ‘fresher and his eyes go wide.

“Nope, no way in hell. You are not wearing a dress for _him_ ,” he growls.

“I’m not wearing it for Poe, I’m wearing it for Leia,” she replies.

“That’s not much better.” His relationship with his mother is still… precarious. He’s trying, though. He tries to squash down the anger and jealousy rising within.

She turns to look at herself in the mirror and cocks her head to the side. “I look stupid, don’t I?” She asks.

He moves so that he is behind her, looking her in the eye through the mirror. “You look amazing, which is exactly the problem.” He places one gloved hand on her hip and the other on her shoulder, touching the bare skin there as he places a kiss on her neck. Black leather. Rey is brought back to another time, another life. The feel of Kylo Ren’s gloved hands on her. Her body’s reaction to the memories surprises her.

Ben feels the wave of lust roll off of her.

“How late are we?” He asks, pushing the dress’ straps down her shoulders.

“Dinner has probably started,” she gasps as the straps slip lower, the v-neck that forms the bodice of her dress growing wider as he pulls.

“Then it would be rude of us to arrive now,” his lips are pressed to her ear, eyes locked on hers in the mirror even now as the bodice finally falls, revealing her breasts. “We will wait until dinner has ended,” he places his gloved hand on her right breast. “To be polite.”

“Yes,” she moans as he rolls her nipple between her fingers. “We wouldn’t want to be rude." 

Ben lifts his other hand to his mouth and bites the glove, trying to remove it.

“No!” Rey cries. Ben raises an eyebrow. “Please… leave them on.”

“Rey, the things I have in mind are a lot easier without them.”

She reaches up and brings his hand down, pulling the glove back on where it had been loosened. As she does this she reaches out for his mind and shows him the memory that had come to her when she felt his gloved hand.

“Why are you showing me this?” He mutters. “I do not need to be reminded of how cruel I was to you”

“No, Ben, pay attention,” she turns to face him and puts her palms flat on his chest. She notices that he is wearing all black, and the feeling stirs again. He obviously chose this to make a statement. He has been careful to avoid too many visual dark-side affiliations since he left the First Order. She sends more memories to him. “Under the fear I felt, what else was there.”

“You…” he stammers, sifting through her mind. “You wanted me, even then.”

“I just didn’t understand what those feelings were, since I had never experienced anything even close to that with anyone else.” 

He bends down and kisses her. Hard. He pulls away and spins her around so that once again their eyes meet in the mirror.

“You know I can take whatever I want.”

She shudders. She can feel it rising in him, the darkness. She has an idea. 

“No, Kylo.” She feels his shock at the sound of _that_ name. _That_ name has not left her lips in a very long time. “You’re a monster. I’m not giving you anything.” 

That was a risk. The darkness consumes him and she’s suddenly afraid she’s gone too far. His arms wrap around her: one around her waist, pressing her back against him, and the other around her shoulder, his hand on her throat.

Definitely went too far. Noted. She starts trying to think of a way to diffuse this situation she’s created but then he laughs.

“Don’t worry, scavenger. I feel it, too,” He whispers in her ear as the hand on her waist travels slowly down her body. He presses her back into him with a hand below her stomach (so much higher than where she needs it) and growls in her ear, “You are mine now. You belong to me.” 

She struggles against his arms, but all that does is make her keenly aware of how hard he is. She whimpers, now struggling not to get free but to push his hand down to where she can feel herself growing wet.

“Tell me what you want, Rey.”

“I want you to touch me, Kylo”

The darkness pulses.

“Then tell me you are mine.”

His hand tightens slightly around her throat, and she never imagined she could enjoy the sensation.

“Yes, Kylo, I am yours.”

His hand slips between them and unties the belt on her dress. The fabric falls to the floor.

“You are not wearing undergarments, you dirty girl,” he doesn’t seem as pleased as she expected. She searches the darkness for a moment and finds jealousy. She nearly rolls her eyes, but remembers what she is trying to do here.

“Forgive me, Kylo, I have so many feelings inside of me that I don’t understand.”

His hands return to her body.

“You need a teacher,” he says as his hand finally returns to her, sliding down her abdomen. He slides one glove-covered finger between her folds, ghosting over her clit, as he says, “let me teach you.”

She gasps as his finger slides back and forth along her slit. He cannot feel it through the gloves, but he can sense how wet she is by how easily his finger slides back and forth.

“Yes, Master, please teach me,” she pants. 

His other hand returns to her breast, groping the soft flesh and pinching her nipple. She watches as his fingers begin to skillfully rub little circles on her clit.

“Look at me,” he growls. Her eyes snap up to meet his.

He pulls her tighter against his body and lifts her up, carrying her over to the table where they had eaten their lunch together earlier that day. He pushes the dirty plates to the floor and pushes her down so that she is bent over the table.

“Perfect,” he says as he slaps her ass. She bites her lip but does not make a sound.

He spanks the other cheek, a little harder. Then the first again. This time she whimpers.

He presses his clothed body on top of her naked one and whispers his order into her ear, “touch yourself.”

She leans back to allow her hand space and hears him groan as her hand finds her wet pussy. She slides her fingers down towards her entrance, but he growls, “No. Not inside. Only I go inside you.”

She returns her fingers to her clit, rubbing in circles, writhing against the table. She hears him unbutton his pants, wishing she could see him. She reaches out to his mind and is surprised to find it open to her. She sees herself, bent over the table, her hand working, then he looks down and she sees his hand pumping his hard cock, spreading the precum. She pulls back into her own mind and begs, “Please, Kylo. I need to feel you. Please.”

Kylo is a big fan of torture, but she asked so nicely.

He steps forward and she can feel his dick slide along her slit and he’s so close to where she wants him, but he leans over her once again and pulls her hand away from herself, pulling both arms up above her head and pressing them into the table. “Hold on.” She does as she’s told, gripping the edge of the table on the other side. He then slides back along her body kissing down her spine until he is kneeling behind her. She wonders what he is doing until she feels him lick a broad stroke from her clit all the way up. She never imagined that she would enjoy his tongue on her asshole and it’s definitely not as good as on her clit but she is surprised to find it doesn’t bother her. She doesn’t have long to ponder this new discovery because he’s standing again and she can feel him pressing into her. 

She readies herself to feel him fill her, but he doesn’t. She whimpers and tries to push her hips back, but he holds her down. He pulls away and then presses the end of his cock into her again. She could cry with how frustrated she is. He repeats this movement until he finally says, “You. Are. Mine.”

He plunges into her.

He is not gentle.

Kylo fucks her hard. Lovemaking is Ben’s job.

He cums before she can, but that’s okay because this one wasn’t for her.

He grunts and pulls out and comes all over her red ass, his handprints standing out on the pale flesh.

And then she feels a second release within him as the darkness recedes back into him.

Ben looks at Rey, bent over the table, and the guilt pours out. He pulls her up and into his chest and kisses the top of her head, frantic.

“I don’t know what came over me,” he apologizes.

She just smiles because he _has to know_ that she enjoyed that, too.

Then she realizes that he doesn’t.

Woops.

“Ben, Ben, stop. I wanted that,” She reaches up and puts her hand on his cheek, trying to make him see. “How do you feel?”

“Honestly? I feel like a jerk saying this but I feel… light?” She arches a brow, and he adds, “I mean not like jedi-light or anything, don’t get too excited here.”

* * *

Ben has gone to look over some datapads that Leia sent over and Rey is laying on their couch staring at a pile of sand over by the doorway. She lifts grain by grain up and out the window. She’s good at moving big things, groups of things. It’s focusing the Force onto small, specific objects that she struggles with. This is good practice. And she hates sweeping.

She hears a crash from across the house and Ben cursing loudly. She sighs, wondering what bad news has set him off. 

She has a grain of sand halfway to the window when he appears in the doorway, and she can feel the darkness. 

He has his gloves on.

She smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a one shot but honestly these two are making me do crazy things like spend my entire Wednesday writing about them having therapeutic sex, so who knows.


End file.
